#12 Walk Across A Tree Bridge

J and I went hiking up in Chicopee Woods awhile back. J is not one for sticking to paths and I am not one to bow out too easily. Since beginning this list, I have at least tried things out. Now, I may have chickened out afterward but you gotta start somewhere.

In this first hiking trip, J decided he wanted to cross a tree that had fallen across the creek instead of taking the well built bridge designed specifically for us to use. No surprise. And close behind was me... slightly freaking out and trying not to show it. J crossed the tree with no problem. I started and along come a couple of awkward hikers trying to cheer me on. Oddly enough, it made me feel even worse. That whole patronizing... "Come on, you can do it!" that you give toddlers when they are taking their first steps. I got about half way and just couldn't do it. I managed to sit down and then scoot the rest of the way. What a doofus! It was then that "walk across a tree bridge" became part of my list.

This day though... We had listened to a service at church about Optimism vs. Pessimism. This particular service focused on having Eternal Hope, Eventual Hope & Everyday Hope. It's a great message (check out 12Stone.com to watch/listen to the message - shameless plug, I know).

Anyhow, that afternoon we decided to go hiking again at Chicopee Woods. Early into our hike, we came across a fallen tree over a small creek. It seemed like a good place to start as a way to cross this off the list. Well, the trunk was a bit too weak to carry me and I chickened out. It wasn't just a matter of me sitting and scooting. I just quit. I gave up, turned around and headed for the bridge. I was so frustrated and deflated. In my head, I kept thinking "I am never going to do this. It's never going to happen." And then bits of the message came to me and my thoughts changed and out of my mouth came "I'm going to eventually make it across a tree bridge." It really felt so liberating to just say those words. They freed me up of the weights that were keeping me down.

Not long after, we came across the same tree bridge that had defeated me before. J asked if I wanted to try it again. I felt a bit more confident thinking "This tree is MUCH wider than the one I just tried. I can probably do this."

I started across it... Slowly... Very slowly.

J followed closely behind. Quietly encouraging me. One step at a time I got closer to the other side. One step at a time I realized I was further along than I was the first time I tried. One step more and I made it. I let out a huge breath. My heart started beating again. And then we realized we didn't have a picture of it. ... dang.

It wasn't good enough to stand at the end and get the picture. I walked halfway back. Managed to turn around and got the documentation I needed to 'prove' I had really done it.

How wonderful that admitting it led me to eventually doing it? I had in my head that I would eventually, one day down the road, be able to accomplish this. I know that many things do not happen as quickly. Eventually could be 22 years - like Joseph waiting to become second in command of Egypt. Luckily for me, 'eventually' was today. It was great. I hope I remember this attitude during times when eventually feels like never... I hope you do, too.

TASK #12 ... COMPLETED 3/14

#1 Eat an oyster

EAT AN OYSTER

Tonight was date night. J and I hit up a new place called Floataway Cafe and decided to go all out. Appetizers, drinks, dessert. I noticed oysters on the menu and we decided to go for it. For an oyster eating virgin like myself, our server recommended going for the "beau soleil oyster on the half shell with champagne mignonette*". Don't worry. I have no idea what it means either. The best part is that the asterisk actual leads you to fine print "*contains raw shellfish". Really?!! hahahaha...

Anyhow, it was pretty tasty. Not at all like a big glob of snot (which is what I have been led to believe most of my life). We followed it up with crab fitter (like a little taste of heaven), quail (absolutely amazing), and a lemon pudding cake (felt only slightly sinful). Actually, that's what J had. Well, I guess I know what to order next time!

(Picture to be posted shortly. Hint, Hint)


TASK #1 ... COMPLETED 1/29

#14 Skip Stones

SKIP STONES



Today, the kids and I met the Moats' along with another family at Freeman's Mill Park. We went down by the dam to explore. We all had such a great time. All the kids started skipping stones. One of the Moats twins had a grand skip of seven!! I often wonder how I ever lived my life at the mall. It seemed every weekend went like this: "What should we do today?" "I don't know. I guess we'll just walk around the mall." Boy was I missing out.

It had been years since I tried to skip stones. Today I had one amazing skip (about 6). Just today in general was a good list worthy day. The kids and I went with some new friends and another family we don't know well to go to a new park. Especially watching Katy today was amazing. She wanted to climb everything and explore everything. She wasn't afraid of getting dirty and didn't worry so much about getting hurt. I was so proud. A list worthy day for her as well (if she had a list).

It was after all this that I decided skipping stones was list worthy. J and I do not have our 100 things listed out yet but today was definitely worthy of it.

Thanks to the Moats' there is some video evidence and the first thing for 2010 is now complete. :D


TASK #14 ... COMPLETED 1/1

The 2010 List

1. Eat an oyster... COMPLETED 1/29
2. whitewater rafting
3. Participate in a 5K
4. Throw a party
5. Go out of the country
6. Learn a song on the piano and/or guitar
7. Talk to a non-believer about Christ
8. Enter a bike race
9. Go on an overnight backpacking trip
10. Get Married
11. Get scuba certified!
12. Walk across a tree bridge
13. Go on a train ride
14. Skip stones ... completed 1/1 :)
15. Go mountain biking
16. Learn to juggle
17. Knit something
18. Have an all night movie marathon
19. Learn about another religion
20. Write my will
21. Paintball
22. Read Paradise Lost
23. Go to a college football game with the kids
24. Play kickball
25. Go to a drive-in movie
26. Play in a Texas Hold'em game
27. Play laser tag
28. Snowboard/surf
29. Learn to make a new balloon animal
30. Learn to drive stick shift
31. Play in the mud
32. Make a music video
33. Go to a haunted house
34. Learn how to rock the cradle with a yo-yo
35. Ride a mechanical bull
36. Write a poem and read it aloud to an audience
37. Surprise a friend
38. Get a makeover
39. Go to Savannah

Sitting by the Fire with Donald Miller

Christmas this year just doesn't have the same feeling it usually does. I will spend tomorrow and Christmas Day with my 'new' family but my family is gone. The house is too quiet. We celebrated Christmas two weekends ago and it was great. Now, I just keep seeing statii (my designated plural for status) about everyone spending time with family. I'm not really in the mood right now. Am I having a little bit of a pity party? Probably. I've come to grips with that. I've looked several times online to find last minute flights so maybe I could be with my family. No such luck. Christmas time = permission to jack up prices.

In the meantime, I'm nestled on the couch by the fire with Donald Miller, author of Blue Like Jazz. Tonight though, I'm reading his book, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years.
I'm not quite halfway through the book and find the timing oddly coincidental. From the moment I finished the Author's Note, I knew this book would change things some how. Change me. The premise of the book keeps circling back to this statement: "The truth is, if what we choose to do with our lives won't make a story meaningful, then it won't make a life meaningful either."

As a society, we spend so much time working. We focus so much on the money we need for bills or the money we want for the hottest new electronic. We forget that these are not the things that make life meaningful. When we read a book or watch a movie, we don't want to see someone working all the time in order to make the next mortgage payment. We want to fall in love with the characters, see them face conflict head on and watch them celebrate in the end. Our hearts break. Our eyes fill with tears. Our mouths let out cries of victory at the end of the films with which we are engrossed.

But are we taking the steps to have these moments in our own lives? If our lives were movies, how would we feel if the credits rolled at this very moment? Would we walk away feeling like the $10 we just spent was wasted?

This year, 2009, has been one of unbelievable changes for me. December 31st, when the credits roll for 2009, I will walk away feeling like I got a multi-Oscar award winning film at a dollar movie theatre.
So as I sit here tonight with Donald Miller and the glowing embers of a once brilliant fire, I am brought out of my self-pity. I move forward in quiet reflection and begin to think about the things that will make up my next story, the next role I will play and the next year's worth of stories to tell others. Because every year, on December 31st (and eventually on my last day when the credits really do roll), I want to feel like everyone I know got their money's worth to be part of this story.

My prayer is that you all have that same feeling.

#20

WEAR A BATHING SUIT AND FEEL GOOD IN IT

So... I may not have been able to wear a bikini and look like the girls in Sports Illustrated - Swimsuit Edition. I did realize what it meant to wear a bathing suit and feel good in it.

First off, whether you are a size 2 or 20, spend the money to get a good quality bathing suit that is flattering to YOUR figure. I can tell you right now that those cute little string bikinis with the triangle tops are NOT flattering on me. I am not a tiny girl. In fact, I'm a little top heavy. All those little bathing suits do is show way more of the girls than should be seen by anyone except my future husband and make me realize that I am NOT a Victoria's Secret model.

What self-respecting woman would subject herself to that?! Definitely not me.

More than anything though, feeling good in a bathing suit is about feeling good about who you are. Being confident with the body that God gave you and saying "Hey, I'm a REAL woman. I eat three squares a day. I haven't shopped in the Juniors section of a store since I was a freshman in high school. I am happy with who I am." It is that attitude right there that makes a woman sexy. Not the clothes (or lack thereof).

If you aren't happy with where you are physically, then do something about it.Not because you feel the pressure of the airbrushed society we live in. Get yourself to a place where you feel healthy, vibrant, energetic and confident. Because confidence is attractive to everybody!

TASK #20 ... COMPLETED

(Below): With my step-brother, Reuben before we swam with sharks at Typhoon Lagoon (ooh. That should have been a bonus!)

#21

SEND OUT CHRISTMAS CARDS

I never would have thought when making this list in January that the Christmas cards I was sending out would also be "Save the Dates" for my wedding. WOW! Talk about full circle.

I remember imagining my Christmas cards as being some photo taken of me and the kids at some point in the fall. Definitely NOT the professional engagement photos with me, the kids, and my fiance. It seriously blows my mind! Can you tell?

I'm pretty excited because I've never sent Christmas cards in my life. My parents may have sent some when I was younger. If they did, I do not remember being a part of the process (e.g. no family photo taken, no placing of stamps or licking of envelopes).

Figuring out together which photos to choose, the layout of the photo card and the wording wasn't that stressful either. I love that we are a part of everything. We don't have just ONE person in charge of things. Each of us tend to take charge of certain things but we always run it by the other. True partners. :)


TASK #21 ... COMPLETED 12/2

#97

GO STAR GAZING

I had resolved myself to the fact that I wasn't going to get to star gaze as it was beginning to get a bit cold. And after all the rain in October this month, I DEFINITELY figured this would be a big fat fail. Jason's original idea for his proposal was to take me star gazing at Little Mulberry Park (my little piece of heaven on Earth).

Turns out his proposal was even better since it was at the location of our first purposeful hangout. :)

My parents came in town for my birthday. This night, we asked my parents if they would "watch" the kids after bedtime so we could sneak off for a little bit. We grabbed a couple of blankets and headed to an undisclosed location. Armed with hats, gloves and jackets, we laid in the pitch black to see the stars in all their glory. We even caught a glimpse of a shooting star. I can't remember what wish I made but right now, honestly, it feels like any wish I could have possibly made has already come true.

TASK #97 ... COMPLETED 10/24

BONUS!!!!

For the last six months or so, I have been thinking about one thing that I didn't put on my list for fear of ridicule or misunderstanding. It was highly debated among the committee (me, myself and I) whether #100 on the list should be "Fall in love".

For the longest time, I felt as though I would never find someone who I would want to spend the rest of my life with. The last four years it seems I have been surrounded by couples who were unfaithful or simply bored after 20, 30, even 40 years of marriage! It's not that the desire wasn't there. I just wasn't sure that I would find it. So it was fitting that "Fall in love" was a HUGE risk for me. I figured I would just keep "Fall in love" on my list of 100 things until the day it actually happened. And boy, would that be a great post. I didn't want people to think I put it on my list in an effort to force myself to fall in love. And I didn't want to explain myself every time it came up in conversation. So I left it off the list. Looking back, it seems like I should have gone with my instinct and kept it at #100. Hindsight is always 20/20 though, isn't it?

By now, you've probably read enough of this blog to know a great deal about my story. You know about some of my deepest hurts growing up and through my divorce. You've read some of my journeys to become unafraid. You've read my journey over the last several months about how my friend, J, became my boyfriend, my best friend and truly the love of my life. I remember my uncle telling me once in response to my question, "How do you know when someone is THE ONE?" that "You just know, Ana. You just know." That was in 2000. Nine years later, I can say with confidence, "I just know". But... I digress. You are probably wondering (some of you already know) what the BONUS is. It starts with ...

The very first time J and I hung out intentionally, just us, as friends, was a random night when he was having a craving for ice cream. We met at the Ben & Jerry's by my house and swung on the swings outside of it while we enjoyed our ice cream and talked... about everything. That was about this time last year (Nov. 2008).

Fast forward to Monday, October 12th. J was on his way back in town from a work trip and we had a date planned for Little Mulberry Park and hopefully, stargazing (trying to cross more off of my list). The weather has been pretty crappy and it was cold and wet that day and quickly turning into night by the time we got back up to Gwinnett from the airport. I had mentioned being in the mood for sushi so J asked if I just wanted to go to Green Tea (a sushi place by Ben & Jerry's) and swing on the swings. Of course, we had to get some ice cream first. Dessert before dinner? Heck yeah!

We grabbed the ice cream and got on the swings. Just like we did last year. He confessed that it was that night when he first began struggling with liking me. (I don't know what the struggle could possibly have been. I'm a catch. haha) After that, he mentioned a lady he spoke to at the airport and a cool story she told him...

The story begins with her husband's parents.

On their 25th wedding anniversary, the wife gave the husband a ring. A nice men's ring with a blue sapphire in it. The husband was grateful and thought the ring was nice but he was a guy. And guy's don't wear jewelry. So the ring sat off to the side until a couple of years later. The couple's son was turning sixteen. The father passed that ring off to his son and the son had the same thought. "This is a nice ring but I'm a guy. And guy's don't wear jewelry." So once again, the ring sat off to the side. Until the day a few years later when the son met and fell in love with a girl (the lady J was talking to at the airport).

Now, it's the 1950's. The son is in the Navy and fears he will get shipped out. He doesn't want to marry this girl and risk going to war and not coming back. So he takes the ring that his father gave him and gives it to the girl with the promise that he will marry her when he gets out of the military a couple years later. Well, the couple can't wait. They get married within the year. The son replaces "the ring" with a proper engagement ring and once again "the ring" gets set off to the side.

Until the day, more than 50 years later, when a young gentleman expresses his desire to marry their granddaughter. He wants to know whether there is a ring in the family that has an special meaning or story because he knows their granddaughter will appreciate that much more than a random ring bought at the store. So they think about this ring. This ring that has been set aside for all these years. The ring they thought over the years of turning into a necklace. So they take the blue sapphire stone out of the ring. Get it placed into an engagement setting, give it to the young man to give to their granddaughter and it looks like this...

I looked over at J. And he had a box opened with a ring in it. A ring with a blue star sapphire as the center stone. And he got down on one knee on the cold wet ground and asked me to marry him!

And it clicked. The son and the girl he fell in love with were my grandparents. The lady in the airport was my grandma talking to J on the phone giving him all the details so he wouldn't forget the story when he told me. After I cried, and said 'Yes', he told me one more thing...

"Your grandma told me when you were a little girl that you always used to sit on your grandpa's lap and ask him if he would wait for you, so you could marry him when you grew up. Now, you have an engagement ring from him."

It never seemed possible to love someone as much as I love J. What seemed even less possible than that was loving someone who loved me just as much and didn't have a problem showing it. It took four years that seemed so long but now, they seem to have passed by so quickly. I constantly see the signs along the way where the Lord was leading J to me and me to J. It was difficult at times to follow His lead but I'm glad I did it. And THAT'S how I "just know".

J~

It was a great day when I said "Yes" and I am SO looking forward to saying "I do."

I love you ... more than all the seconds I had to wait for God to bring us together!

#45

DECORATE A WALL WITH PICTURES FRIENDS HAVE TAKEN

I originally sent out an email to people I knew took pictures I would like to see on my wall. After sifting through about 20 or so, I narrowed it down to seven that I wanted to hang up. It wasn't until I was shopping for the frames that I realized 4 of the pictures were taken by J. Two were taken by Lauren and the last one was one I took while taking a road trip to see the sunrise at the beach. I know it's not one that a friend took but I already had six others and this picture is one of my favorites anyway.

It is also the one picture on the wall that is a great reminder. The day I saw the sunrise on Tybee Island I had this unbelievable feeling of awe. The camera caught a glimpse of the beauty I got to experience that day. Whenever I look at the picture, I am reminded of it but can never quite get it back. It is a reminder that just looking at the pictures on the wall will never give me the experience I would get from being there.

I don't want to look at these pictures though and fantasize about what it would be like. The pictures should be motivation to save up and ship out. There is too much to experience in this life to just be okay with the community I live in. This summer I will get to make my first international trip. Details are not nailed down yet but I am so excited to take some more pictures of my own. Some more reminders of the awe I felt that day on Tybee.

TASK #45 ... COMPLETED 9/10

#68

RIDE IN A CONVERTIBLE WITH THE TOP DOWN

This weekend, I flew with J to Peoria (affectionately referred to P'town by J and his friends). It was my first trip there and first time meeting J's friend, Nuwan. A wonderful man with a brilliant English accent and a sweet BMW Z5 convertible.

I had been looking forward to this week for awhile knowing I was not only going to cross this off my list but I was going to be able to do it in such a sweet ride.

Our original plan was not just to cross this off the list. We traveled to this tiny little town in Illinois to celebrate the engagement of J's friend, Nuwan, to his fiancee, Niyati. I got to meet a bunch of friends that I had heard a ton about but now I finally got to put names and faces together. (And have been to P'town another time since Nuwan & Niyati's engagement party)

Nuwan and Niyati are getting married in December with two awesome celebrations in India and Sri Lanka, where they are from. Unfortunately, I'm not going to be able to make that trek but I know that J is SUPER excited to celebrate with them.

Congratulations, Nuwan and Niyati!!

TASK #68 ... COMPLETED 8/29

#58

SHOOT THE HOOCH

So we were running a little short on time for tubing down the Chattahoochee River. J and I took the kids. We thought it was a great day for tubing ... and so did everyone else. There were parts where the river was peaceful and we had room to breathe. I would say that it was quiet but Katy and Ty were yakking the WHOLE time (what can I say? they come by it honestly).

I'm sitting here THREE MONTHS after the fact and keep thinking about one thing. At some point, we were slightly separated from each other (not far, but not clinging onto each others tubes). The kids were behind us a bit so I don't know exactly what happened but I remember turning around to see Tyler out of his tube. His flip flop off and Katy starting to drift further away. I could see that Ty was scared and my heart began to pulse a little quicker than normal. He could swim but the water wasn't still and people were bumping into him. SERIOUSLY?!

It's not hard to see a 5 year old in the water. At least a handful of people bumped into Tyler and me, all the while Katy is floating further down stream. What seemed like forever was only a matter of moments. I heard Katy calling for me and shouted back "Grab onto a rock!". I looked at J who was trying to figure out how to help and just shouted "Get the girl." hahaha...

I was able to retrieve Tyler but the flip flop was long gone. Katy held onto a rock not far down the river until J got to her. She was so brave!

From that point, we were interlocked the rest of the way down the river with no major trauma to be heard of. That is of course until I get a therapy bill 10 years from now.


TASK #58 ... COMPLETED 8/22

#89

JUMP ON A TRAMPOLINE


I had SO much fun the night I jumped on the trampoline. J and I (with the kids) 'babysat' for a wonderful couple so they could go out on a date. J sent them to the Brickstore in Decatur (mmm....mmm...good). What a great family! They have a set of twin boys in middle school (little gentlemen) and a little girl the same age as mine (such a little doll). We all had a water balloon/hose fight, ate Papa John's pizza & ice cream sundaes. I love watching all of them jump (including J). They had no fear and enjoyed every minute of it.

True to form, there was something else that was on my mind when it came to jumping on a trampoline. There was a message at church that made me think about it. So, think about the movement on a trampoline as our movement in life. We have our ups and downs. Easy enough to see that comparison, right? BUT... have you ever thought about the momentum you build in the ups and downs? The harder you land on the trampoline the more momentum you gain on the upswing. Just like life...

Sometimes (perhaps all the time), God uses those low points in our lives to grow us up bigger and better than before. We just have to make the choice to trust in Him to get us through it. The lowest time of my life has become the greatest turn around in my life. I spent four years going through the process of my divorce and recovery and ultimately, God used it to bring me to Him (and closer still every day). I spent so many days and nights beating myself up about the dissolution of my marriage. But, there are so many things along the way when I see that He was in constant pursuit of me.

Dec. 2005 - Aug 2006
Unknowingly being given the name of a divorce attorney who is also a believer
That very same attorney in no uncertain terms telling me that I needed to "get [my] butt in church"

Aug 2006
Being assigned as a mentor at work to a teacher (my friend, Lauren) who just finished a 2-year mission trip in Bosnia
Unknowingly attending the very same church where Lauren was attending which sparked...
Lauren becoming MY mentor as I became more interested in Christ and what a relationship with Him looked like

Oct 2006
After months of hoping for the divorce to be done by my birthday (so I could begin the healing process), I signed the papers on Oct. 26th 2006 (two days before my birthday)

Oct 2006 - Aug 2007
Joining a single moms' small group and being encouraged to join DivorceCare when the small groups went on a summer hiatus
Coming to the realization (with the help of one particular DivorceCare video) that God forgave me and turned the ugliness of my divorce into my chance at redemption

Aug 2007
Finally deciding that I was going to get baptised

Feb 2008
Getting baptised on February 17th

April 2008
After months of hoping I could get in the same room to talk to my ex and try to explain that I didn't hate him, God presented a bit of turmoil in our family that gave him no other way to deal with it other than to be in the same room. A few quiet moments alone just happened accidentally and I feel that God pushed me from there. That was the breakthrough in our relationship. When we began to communicate a little better. I couldn't understand why we would have to deal with what we did until He told me 'see. you got him in the same room with you. you got to tell him how you feel.'

July 2008
Receiving a clear indication from the Lord (after reading a secular book on dating) that He didn't want me to worry about dating anymore. "Just live your life. I'll bring him to you."

January 2009
Starting this list. Facing some long held fears. Figuring out what I enjoy doing and growing spiritually through the process of doing the list and blogging the list.

March 2009 - today...
Beginning to date, J. A good friend of mine. Someone who was brought into my life just like God said. Who has encouraged me since I've known him. Who has been patient with me when I get frustrated, made me laugh when I get sad and made me feel safe when I get scared. Who has become my very best friend. The absolute love of my life... And we really haven't even started the adventure yet.


There's noone who can tell me that isn't a HUGE bounceback.


TASK #89 ... COMPLETED 8/21

#84

WRITE A LETTER TO MYSELF

Sometimes it is in the midst of a low point in our life (actually, I take that back) ... It is always in the midst of a low point in our lives that the Lord does his best work on us. I mean, what better way to bring us back to Him than when we are totally broken before Him on our knees weeping.

There have been many times throughout my life when the enemy has tried to make me feel like I am less than. It was through reading the book "Captivating" by John & Stasi Eldredge that I came to some amazing realizations. Here's the gist of it ... God created Adam (man) to represent the essence of His strength. Eve (woman) to represent the essence of His beauty. We (women) have been given many gifts by God but none more hated by the enemy than our ability to give life. After all, satan loves death and destruction and we threaten that with our very existence.

It was after a very rough day and some (ok, a lot of!) consoling by Lauren that I opened my journal and just started writing. Pouring out whatever words ended up on the paper. It was the 'me' that truly knows my worth in Christ who was talking to the 'me' that gets confused still because demons from the past try to bring me back to places in my life where I didn't feel loved by anyone, let alone feel the Love of Christ.

I am not posting this because I think it's amazing. It just seems like what I should do.

"You look at yourself as if you are the only one who hurts. Your heartaches are open wounds and you think something is wrong with you for that. You all too easily lose sight of the Love you have. You fall all too suddenly into old pits. You are loved by the Most High God and you still act as though you are not enough. You were created in His image and you STILL don't feel worthy enough? You are the essence of His beauty. You have uniquely feminine strength. You are a giver of life and you STILL think you have nothing to offer? How can you look in the mirror at His beautiful creation and just toss His love aside when it stares you straight in the face? Have you not heard that His love is unfailing? Have you not felt the grace of His Son's blood? Have you not seen the miracles He has worked in your life?

Kneel down. Arms outstretched. Cry out, broken before Him. When even your mother won't listen, your Father will comfort. His love will envelope you. Calm your mind. Rest your heart. Have no fear of being weary. He will have you soaring in no time. Trust Him with your heart when you feel it isn't safe with anyone else. Trust Him to protect you. Be obedient and be blessed.

You are safe in His arms. Let Him love you like noone else can."


TASK #84 ... COMPLETED 8/12

#11

GO TO A PLAY

Do you ever have those moments when you look back at things that you enjoyed as a kid and think "WOW. My parents let me watch that?!" or "What on earth was I thinking?"

I've had moments like that when I watched Grease. I mean... look at the lyrics to the song 'Greased Lightning'.



I went with Kristin to see Grease at the Fabulous Fox Theatre and found myself conflicted at times. Grease was one of my favorite movies growing up. Mostly, I had a difficult time with the ending.



This is the way I see it...

Danny and Sandy meet the summer before. They have no preconceived notions about the clique that either one may be a part of. There are no labels on each of them. They meet, hang out together and probably even like each other.



At the risk of seeming like a pansy, Danny talks about this girl he really liked as though she meant nothing to him at all. Realizes that she is now attending the same school where he goes. THEN, ignores her. Again, at the risk of being made fun of by his friends. Umm... What a ___?!?!



To top it off... By the end of the movie, Sandy has changed everything about herself just so she can please him (don't forget about Danny's crazy stint as a jock in order to get her). What are we saying here?! How long could that facade actually last?! Is it going to be 20 years down the road when she finally says, 'Danny, I never liked any of this stuff'?



It just makes me think about alot of people I see. Maybe it's because I've already been through a time when I was trying to be someone I wasn't, thinking I was happy (or eventually would be) and then realizing ultimately that I was a hollow shell of the woman I used to be. Our youth is trained (almost brainwashed) into believing they aren't complete until they are in a relationship. How about being complete before you ever enter a relationship!?! THAT will land you in a relationship that could stand the test of time. Don't you think you deserve that?


TASK #11 ... COMPLETED 8/16

#8

GRADUATE

This part of my list was a LONG time coming. The desire to further my education and get an advanced degree began even before my divorce. One thing that has been difficult about writing this post is because I wasn't quite sure how to describe the importance of this accomplishment without possibly speaking ill of someone. This blog isn't to put down others but for me to see all the ways the Lord has lifted me up.

I guess the best way for me to do this is to simply say that pursuing my Master's degree was discouraged due to time and money. Those of you closest to me know the depth of that statement and I'll just leave it at that.

I made the decision to finally apply for the graduate school at Piedmont College in October 2005. Classes started January 2006. In the midst of much bitterness and taking over the Relay for Life team at the school where I teach, I worked on my Master's. After what seemed like the LONGEST 16 months of my life, I graduated in May 2007 and immediately entered graduate school through the University of Florida College of Education. After all, I wanted to be able to take care of my two children all on my own - emotionally, spiritually, physically and mostly, financially. I remember telling people that I didn't want to be dependent on anyone else to support us. I wanted to try to do it all on my own.

There was a point in time when getting a Master's seemed impossible let alone getting my Specialist. It took just about 3 and 1/2 years to finally get it done but I did it. Not by my own strength and energy - that's for sure. Along the way, I received the help and encouragement of many friends. It feels weird now to not be consumed by anything other than my children once I get home. Through those years, it became habit to leave work at work so I could concentrate on graduate work when I went home. That habit seems to be a great one to stick with.

I leave school everyday with my keys and my phone. Because when I go home, I want to be HOME. It's not enough for me to just be physically present. I need to be physically involved when I am home. There is only so much time for me to lay the ground work for my children that they so desperately need when they become adults. I don't want to lose one precious moment anymore.

TASK #8 ... COMPLETED 7/27

#71

SHOOT A GUN

I remember the day my dad came home from the police academy with his gun. I was in the 8th grade. He took all the bullets out of the gun. Let my brother and I hold it and squeeze the trigger. Of course, nothing happened. He told us to let him know whenever we wanted to look at the gun because he would let us. That was the only time I ever went near it.

The next time I ever held a gun I was about 18 years old. My friend, Beth, was going with her dad (who was a police officer) to the range and she asked if I wanted to come along. If I remember correctly, I shot a .22 Luger and a 9mm. I don't remember how far the target was but I do know that I did a pretty bang up job (pun intended). ;)

When I was a kid, I wanted to be in the FBI. Then, I found out I had to carry a gun. umm... nope! This is a fear that has built up over the years. It took a bit before I had the courage to take the first shot when J took me to the range. I didn't flinch (or even kill anybody) but I was done! I was sweating profusely. There was more fear in me than when I went on the motorcycle ride.

I tried another shot a few minutes later and felt the same way. One of the wonderful things about J is his ability to give me just enough space but still push me gently enough to a point where I am willing to try things again. He asked if I wanted to try to shoot an entire magazine. Unwilling to cross this off my list after just shooting a gun twice, I took him up on it. I took my time on each shot. Aimed in the head and chest and unloaded the entire magazine. The 0.40 cal still sent a little jolt with every discharge but I felt much more comfortable and the fear slowly subsided. We even played a few 'games' to see who could shoot in a more closely knit grouping or closest to one of the numbers on the target. The only thing to worry about after was the soreness in my right shoulder. There's no guarantee that I'll try everything I'm afraid of (although doing this list is making me more open to it). One thing I do know is that beating J one time in a 'game' we played definitely makes me want to go back to the range and do it again. ;)
.....
It dawned on me that it hasn't been a fear of guns that I have had my entire life. It was the fear of something I didn't understand or have enough knowledge about. Look at the course of history (in the world or your own life). What were you so afraid of? Could you pick out something that you feared simply because you lacked knowledge of it? Or did you just rely on someone else's information without doing your own research? They say ignorance is bliss. This is so far from the truth! In our ignorance, we are scammed and cheated. In our ignorance, we allow people with too much power to become corrupt because their accountability (us) is blissfully at peace with their lives. In our ignorance, we become slaves without even knowing it.They might say that Ignorance is bliss. but Knowledge is Power.

TASK #71 .. COMPLETED 8/1

#44, #53, and #79

GO ON A ROADTRIP TO SEE THE SUNRISE AT THE BEACH

BUILD A SANDCASTLE

STAY UP FOR 24 HOURS

This adventure came on a whim. I was telling JIvey how I had some stuff to do on the list before the summer was over. She needed to see the sunrise also and said, "Let's go do that this week." Huh? Me? Do something spontaneous like that? No way. Now, some people would argue with the spontaneity of the trip since we didn't just pack up and leave but I think I'm going to disagree. When it comes to making decisions, I think everything to death and then still have a tendency to default to someone else for input. It's a bad habit, I know.

JIvey also asked another friend, Amanda if she wanted to go. She's more spontaneous than us so it wasn't a surprise that she joined us. JIvey and Amanda had a meeting at church Thursday night so I met them there. After making sure we had all of our stuff together, we went to a Waffle House close to I-85. We stayed there from about 9:30 - midnight and then headed on the road. Since my list said that I had to go on a roadtrip to see the sunrise, we tried to plan the trip just right. We wanted to get there in time AND try to avoid paying the cost for a hotel. I mean, I had to stay awake for 24 hours (NOT a smart idea for a road trip, by the way). The whole trip was about 4 hours or so. We had a riot. By 4am, we were deliriously hysterical. Between a pirate patch, water gun and cheeto fangs, we could have been mistaken for being under the influence. There are definitely pictures around that I'm hoping do not see the light of day (hint, hint, JIvey).

...

I didn't build the sandcastle until after the sunrise but I wanted to wait to talk about the sunrise. It was shocking to discover how absolutely ridiculous I felt when I was building the sand castle. The feeling only lasted for a little while but I realized how much more fun it is to actually build a sand castle with someone ... preferably kids. It looked horrible at first. After spending some time on it, it really started to come together. (hmm, certainly some sort of lesson to be had there. but I'm going to press on). It was not something that would be competitive in a sandcastle building contest but a couple of passersby took pictures.

Now for the sunrise... I really don't know if I have the words to describe the feelings I had when I watched the sunrise... It was inspiring and beautiful and I felt so at peace watching it. The pictures can't even capture HALF of its beauty.

It's been about three weeks now since we went to Tybee to see the sunrise but I was just talking to my 'kids' at Stage12 about it the other day. The lesson was about trusting in what you can't see (God) based on what you can see (all that He created). We talked about how everything somehow connects back to something God created. I'm not sure how the flow of the conversation went but I remember telling a young girl Elissa how wonderful it was that God had the whole sky to paint. And that's exactly what I saw that day on Tybee. We can paint a picture on a billboard if we want to but anything we do will never compare to the awe and wonder of a God who can paint the sky.

I am so looking forward to having that experience again. {sigh} :)

TASKS #44, #53 AND #79 ... COMPLETED 7/24

#25

REFLECT ON MY GREATEST WEAKNESS AND SEE HOW IT'S MY GREATEST STRENGTH.
This is by far the most difficult one to share. Maybe it will help me prepare for #95 (write a poem and read it aloud to an audience). I thought I would just post what I wrote in my journal tonight (with some inclusions and exclusions I need to make for clarity's sake)...

"My goodness! This one has been so difficult. Over the course of a couple of months, I have tried so hard to figure which weakness is my greatest strength and I feel like all I have done is focus on a variety of weaknesses. I finally decided that Kristin might be able to see a little more clearly. After all, she's known me longer than anyone else in Georgia has known me. It was well over an hour long conversation - which is a miracle since she has an 8-yr old, an 18-month old and a 36-year old. ;) (not to mention she is 7 1/2 mos. pregnant).
It wasn't difficult for her to point out the fact that my passion is one of my greatest strengths. I only see how it's one of my greatest weaknesses. There were alot of things we discussed throughout that conversation but a couple of comments really stuck out. I'm going to make myself a little (alright, alot) vulnerable here but I feel like it's necessary.

First, I recalled a time when Kristin said, "Ana, you have so much love to give and you didn't have anyone who was wanting to receive it." Second, she responded in a similar fashion when I made a comment about how I sometimes feel like I'm always the one "getting" and feel like I never have anything to give. I sometimes feel like other people are getting the "short end of the stick". (If it sounds like I'm being a little vague with these, it's because I am. All appropriate parties will understand this.) She quickly reminded me how she easily can see what I have to give. I could sense a little frustration in her voice as she told me. Not in a "for crying out loud, Ana!don't be stupid." way. More like "Why can't you see in yourself what others see?" kind of way.

She said something to the effect of "... to be so lucky as to be loved the way you love someone." And through processing with her, it hit me. God gave me this as a gift.

I am a passionate woman. I get excited over the silliest little things. I cry over what seems like nothing at all. My heart swells at the smallest act of kindness and it breaks over tiny hurts (even those that are not my own). I tend to take on other's hurts and mistakes and I always feel like I need to fix everything. It is not uncommon for me to get on my soapbox and rant with such fervor it would make grown men run to their mommas. (well, maybe not THAT bad but hopefully you get the idea). I know that God has given me the gift to love so deeply and so passionately because it is part of His purpose for me. It is so I can share His love with others who don't know Him. It is by no mistake that I have the ability to love this intensely. The only mistake would be for me to hold back and not use it for His glory.

So for anyone who comes across my path, watch out! There's alot of love headed your way!! :)"


TASK #25 ... COMPLETED 7/21

#22

LEARN TO MAKE AN ETHNIC DISH

One of my faults is always thinking I'm doing or have done something wrong. This trait is pretty prevalent when it comes to cooking (especially cooking something new).

Seriously, how pathetic is it that the first thing I say when I put a dish down is, "tell me what it's missing." I guess it's a defense mechanism. Maybe the sting won't be as bad if I already say that there's something wrong with it. I have this crazy idea that I have to be good at EVERYTHING the first time I do it and I'm not great at taking criticism. Deadly combination, I know.

What I need to do is learn to take advantage of the opportunities that mistakes afford me.
What I need to do is stop saying, "Tell me what it's missing."
What I need to do is start by saying something positive like "I hope you enjoy it" or "Bon Appetit" or "I hope you don't die" ;)







TASK #22 ... COMPLETED 7/7